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Wednesday 18 July 2012
Vagina is a 6 Letter Word

It’s a vagina. I have one. 154 million Americans have one. 197,000 soldiers have one. 111,000 police officers have one with a badge. When surveyed, all the Republican women who hold elected office reported having a vagina. I’m pretty sure Sarah Palin has a red, white and blue one. I honestly can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Ann Coulter’s vagina but I am quite certain Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s ate a rat on national tv.

Sometimes we call it a hoo ha, but really if Representative Brown had said hoo ha when discussing a piece of Republican legislation written to limit a woman’s access to a safe, legal abortion, I think women everywhere would have been embarrassed for her. I admit that my generation for many years denied its existence but eventually the women’s movement taught us that the correct term for our privates was in fact vagina.

For the record men don’t have one. They talk a great deal about them and pass a whole lot of legislation pertaining to them, but at the end of the day they have a wee wee not a hoo hoo. Newt Gingrich has cheated on at least two vaginas that I know of, but I think he refers to them as ex-boxes. Rush Limbaugh hates vaginas, but rumor has it he smuggles Oxycontin in his maid’s vagina so I guess he just calls it a pill box. Mitt Romney used to call them vaginas and actually gave them all the rights and privileges afforded to them under the law but now he simply refers to them as votes he has alienated.

For the record, my vagina pays taxes. My vagina is registered to vote. This year about 8 million more voting booths will have vaginas in them than talleywhackers, which is odd because the United States still ranks 70th in terms of vaginas in elected office. Vaginas comprise 52% of the population in the United States yet vaginas only hold a quarter of elected offices. I think maybe it’s time for A Million Vagina March. Does anyone else agree?

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